if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
