So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
