I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
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