we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
not ubering you a puppy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize