omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
