even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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