Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
