Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
