need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Screwed.edu
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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