dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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