The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
