I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
