Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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