Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
