i already hear my dad disowning me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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