I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
