On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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