The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize