All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
