I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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