bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
