would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
