good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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