My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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