Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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