Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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