**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
