Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
