He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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