you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
