Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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