The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
