can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize