I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
