she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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