Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
