i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Congratulations! We have a period
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