So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
