Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
