I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
