dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
