We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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