Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
