I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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