I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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