is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just cropdusted the office
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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