What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
