dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
