i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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