You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
