Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
