I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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