Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize