Just fell off a train. Bad.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
