At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
