we have officially lost it.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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