Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
only you would photoshop your dick
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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