dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
