is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
