Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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