can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
