Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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