Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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