Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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