Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
