I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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