i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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