Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
