my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
