hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
