I accidentally burped into my bong.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
