i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize