while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
