True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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