She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
